What would you saaay. . .you do here?
I make sure the TPS reports have covers on them. Aside from that important job, I am also a Project Manager. I have all the day-to-day contact with clients. They tell me what they need, and I make sure it gets done on time and within the budget. I task out all of the work to my glorious team. In short, I stack bomb.

What is your most embarrassing moment?
Oh boy. Do I only get to chose one? Alright, as a college Freshman, I was playing in a soccer game. My teammate, Kealy, got very badly hacked in the ankle, but kept playing and limping around. In soccer, in order to stop for injury time, you have to sit on the ground, the ref blows the whistle, and the person can leave. Well, everyone was telling Kealy to sit down, and she wouldn’t. She was playing defense and I was in the midfield. My coach yelled, “Hoffman, drop for her!” Well, I assumed he meant “drop to the ground to stop play” rather than drop back to defense to give her a break. Well, like the dutiful minion I was, I plopped on the ground. The ref, my teammates, and the entire sideline were laughing at the blonde dumbass sitting in the middle of the field. I, unfortunately, was the one who had to leave the field, since I was the one sitting. Yep. Good times. Idiot. Never lived that one down all 4 years of college soccer.

If money were no object, what would you do with your life?
I’d be a stand-up comedian. I’d probably dance, play soccer daily, and travel the world while telling my jokes.

Dogs or Cats?
Daawwwwggggss!!! I have puppy fever. Bad.

What is the funniest thing a client has ever said to you?
At my old company, we put together a postcard mailer design. We presented the design with Lorum Ipsem in the copy as a text place holder to show the overall concept (like we had done 50 other times for this client). He said he really liked the design, but was concerned that most of his audience wouldn’t be able to understand Latin. Oh boy.

So we’re all jealous of your trip to Europe. What was the best part?
There were so many amazing parts. I loved my day in Toledo. Amalfi was the most beautiful town too. Pompeii was just unbelievable. I have to say my favorite was probably Rome. The architecture, art, and history are just so amazing. Our hotel was in the perfect location to walk to all of the amazing sites: The Pantheon, The Coliseum, and The Sistine Chapel. Doesn’t get much better than that!

What Office character are you?
I don’t actually watch the show. I would say Pam is a safe bet, but I am certainly not as shy or awkward (I hope). Unfortunately, I think I may just be the crazy one…

Creed Bratton
The most eccentric office employee, Creed keeps a blog called Creed Thoughts filled with musings like “If I ever go[t] the chance, I’d take a bath in a giant fondue pot. No lie.”
http://television.aol.com/insidetv/2007/09/21/the-office-character-guide/

What is your favorite movie of all time?
Boy, this is tough to narrow down without a specific category. I prefer comedy, so that’s what you shall get.

I think I’m going with Office Space. Although, Wedding Crashers and Van Wilder are both up there. I’m also going to put Singing in the Rain and The Little Mermaid out there, too. Yep.

Eagles or Broncos?
Yes.

Who would you most like to meet?
Well, you’ll probably mock me for this, but I would have loved to have met Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. I have never seen someone get so much joy out of everything he did and truly live his life to the fullest every day. I would think 5 minutes in a room with him, and you’d have a totally different appreciation for everything big and small.

However, I assume this question refers to the living, so I would have to go with Ronaldinho. I can’t imagine I’d have a whole lot to say to him, but it’d be the coolest thing ever to stand 10 feet away from him with a soccer ball. Now, there’s a guy who’s loving life and is awesome at what he does.

If you could have a super power, what would it be?
I think I’d fly because then I could travel anywhere I wanted to for free.

Of course, if I had ESP, I could guess what clients wanted before they even asked for it. Talk about best Project Manager ever.

What website can you not live without?
I’m going to be an ass and say Google. I was going to say The Denver Egotist, Digg, or Fark, but really I couldn’t survive without Google. I’d be like a lost little puppy.

Best “That’s what she said” heard at Imulus.
Mario: “I used to have massive forearms from stick handling.” #TWSS
Taylor: “When it’s early in the morning and I want to grab a pair.” #TWSS
Steph: “Can you just fake it for the time-being to get it done quickly on the site?”
Mario: “I can fake anything.” (PS That was on a client call) #TWSS

If Imulus were a person, what would its personality be?
They would be someone who constantly tries to excel and push to better themselves. A person who would be a professional but also not have a bug up their ass. They would be so excited about their work, they find it hard to fall asleep at times.

Star Wars or Star Trek?
During my childhood years, it was all about Wookies, lightsabers, and X-Wing fighters. At 5 years old, my Dad and I soldered LED’s all over my Millennium Falcon. Although, as I got into high school and my love for science grew, I started watching Star Trek:TNG and also got hooked on the movies with the original cast. It’s amazing my brain has enough room for programming languages, OOP concepts, and database schemas with all the obscure, nerdy knowledge in there. KAHHHNNNN!!!

What is your most embarrassing story?
Blowing myself up. During my early part of college, my friend and I were filming a scene for a computer game we were making. I had strapped a home-made black powder charge to my chest to simulate a gun shot. We had put a little too much powder in the charge and after depressing the button to ignite it, a fireball the size of a beach ball fired from my chest. I wasn’t on fire but I went against everything I was taught by running around, arms flailing, trying to find water to dump on me. After the fiasco was done, my chest and neck looked like they had a bad sun burn. Thankfully, my Mom was there to comfort the wounds and the ego. The most embarrassing part is the video still exists out there. Somewhere.

If money were no object, what would you do with your life?
I would try to build a house. I know a little bit about most aspects in house construction but it would be nice having the money and time to figure it all out. Another area I would like to dabble in is creating independent computer games. Like game development, I’m ecstatic to be in a field where so many talented people can come together to produce a product from the idea phase to seeing it fully functional on screen. Or I can combine the two and build an old school arcade cabinet and then sleep on a hammock at the beach all day long.

What do you do for fun?
Listen to dirty talk radio with my headphones on causing my co-workers to look at me weird as I’m laughing out loud. Recently, I have found a love for cooking. My wife helped me discover that the art of cooking is really the science of chemistry. Someday, during some free time, I need to watch the dozens of Good Eats episodes saved on my TiVo.

Favorite Programmer joke?
“Keyboard not found. Press ‘F1′ to RESUME.”

Bonus joke. Warning… its very dirty:
4920736177206d79206769726c667269656e6420666f6f6c696e672061726f756e6420776
9746820616e6f74686572206775792e204920616c6d6f73742066656c6c206f66662074
6865206c6164646572206a65726b696e67206f66662e

What does curiosity smell like?
Smells like victory. Humanity has grown because we are, by nature, curious. We have made some pretty amazing discoveries because we were curious. I feel curiosity is how we learn where we are, where we’re going, and why we’re here. Answering 2 out of the 3 is a good average.

What made you decide to co-found a company?
My father was a big entrepreneur and I inherited that particular gene. Since late high school, I’ve started three businesses. Third time is a charm. When you start a company, you have to know your weaknesses and you need people to complement your strengths. My two previous businesses did not have the diverse talent needed to be successful. Given the opportunity to work with two of the most talented and well-rounded people I’ve met was a no brainer.

In one word for each, describe the 3 owners.
I have one word for all three:
Passionatededicatedinspirational (that’s a word right? I’m using it in Scrabble.)

What are you afraid of?
I’m afraid of losing a finger. It’s a little selfish I know, but I feel my productivity would suffer dramatically. When I code, I use a lot of keyboard shortcuts and it is second nature for me to use all my fingers for production. It would take awhile to re-train my body and mind to get back to the speed before an accident like that. That is why I never go bowling; those ball returns are dangerous!

If there was one place in the world you could travel, where would it be?
Tokyo, Japan. I would love to learn Japanese and visit Tokyo one day. Being a huge gadget man, what better place to visit!? It’s a country I find amazing with its culture and society constantly trying to better themselves. It seems like a beautiful place where architecture blends both ancient and modern ideas.

If you could sit in a bathtub full of something, what would you chose?
I first thought a bathtub full of money, but I’m sure the Secret Service would arrest me for mutilation of national bank obligations. My second option would be a bathtub full of foam. I imagine I would feel like I was floating and that experience would be very relaxing. My bad attempt at weightlessness.

What is your favorite/least favorite part of your job?
The thing I most look forward to is coming to our building and working on cool applications formed from the heads of some very talented people. I love thinking of smart yet simple ways to solve problems. It gets my blood pumping to find a solution and to write an elegant, reusable method for a project. My least favorite part of the job is the random bug. No matter how hard you try to reproduce it, it never shows it’s ugly head until you’ve THOUGHT the bug was annihilated. Then, out of no where, the bug is glowing on the screen, laughing in your dumb face, mocking you the whole time.

What’s your favorite movie?
Terminator 2: Judgment Day. Great sci-fi story with, (back then), state-of-the-art effects. What more could you ask for!

If you were a font, what font would you be? (Yes, this one is for the designers entertainment only. I realize you hate me for this.)
Fixedsys: Simple, down to the point, old fashion, and even funny to some.

Tell us a little about yourself. What do you do at Imulus?
I am one of the graphic designers here at Imulus (although I may be changing my title to “Reflection Master”). My main focus is the design of web sites but now and then I get to do print and logo design.

How did you become interested in working for Imulus?
When I came back to Colorado after graduating from college, I underwent a mass application process trying to find a job straight out of college. I had no real world experience to speak of and Imulus was hiring for a design internship. So I figured what better way to gain experience? After 6 months of being an intern, I was offered a full time job at Imulus that I was happy to accept.

I have to admit I was hesitant to work for a web design company because the focus of the graphic design program at Fort Hays State was primarily packaging. It turned out to be a happy accident because I really feel like I’ve found my niche in web design. I never really had that feeling with packaging design.

When did you first become involved in graphic design?
Junior year of high school. I had a Photoshop class and I fell in love with it.

What designers have been most influential in your own work?
I suppose that depends on what I’m working on. I guess the one that sticks out in my head is Stephan Sagmeister. I have always admired his non-conformist attitude towards design and the use of hand drawn type and illustrations in his work.

What is your favorite part of working on a new project?
The newness of it. I love the limitless possibilities and potential of a new project. I love throwing myself into it.

What is your least favorite part?
The newness of it. Sometimes staring at a new Photoshop document drives me crazy. Once I get going, however, it becomes my favorite part. (Threw you off there, didn’t I?)

If Imulus were a person, what kind of personality would (s)he have?
That person that walks in a room with a great story to tell and everyone is always eager to hear it. Definitely not someone who is politically correct, but knows how to make it funny rather than inappropriate. Someone who is energetic and enthusiastic about life.

What Photoshop tool would best help you survive in the wilderness?
The clone stamp tool. If I ever find food or resources I would never run out.

What do you want to see more of in the design world?
Bacon.

What do you want to see less of?
Bad reflections that have no sense of perspective.

If you were a Photoshop filter, what would you be and why?
I would say the Smart Blur. I try to make things more polished but I like to keep some crisp edges.

Describe one of your favorite projects you’ve worked on at Imulus.
Usually our internal projects. It really nice to have complete creative control over a project and I love to really delve into the conceptual side of design.

Where do you get your inspiration?
Bacon.

What’s the best part about working in Boulder?
The view, the restaurants, and the people.

What’s the best part about working for Imulus?
Definitely the people. Doing what I love is a very close second. Very close. Actually, I would say they’re tied.

Tell us a little about yourself. What do you do at Imulus?
I make myself obsolete. Everyday I try to start things up, get things going and then find someone better then me to get the job done. I’m always reinventing my job and I’m often critical of my own performance; most times I really wish I had a mentor to point me in the right direction. That would save a lot of time.

If you were a smell, what would you be and why?
I think the opinion of the office is different then mine. I would say I’d like to be Ammonia. It really wakes up the senses.

Where do you see Imulus going in 5 years?
I see us with several small web-products, a strong client base, a team of 20 or so people and a work environment and methodology which is emulated by others.

What do you love more than anything?
My baby girl Jillian. I thought I loved when I got married; but there really isn’t any love which is even close to the love of a parent for their kids. It’s way momma bear will always take on any foe which threatens her cubs, it’s hard wired love.

But if we are looking for something work related, I’d say I love change. I really enjoy adapting to the new challenges of the current economic crisis, shifting technologies and ideologies. It keeps my mind fresh and alive.

We all know that Kat is the best. What I want to know is, why do you think that? Please don’t be afraid to go into detail.
Well, she is. We struck gold when we found her and you’d have to pry her out of our cold-dead-hands before we’d give her up.

What kind of strange habits do you have?
I’m not a habit guy, sometime I really wish I had a few. But I honestly can’t think of any habits, maybe others have some opinion here.

How did you bag that foxy lady of a wife?
Roofies. I drugged her back in ‘96 and the effects haven’t worn off yet. Actually, I’m REALLY not sure. I certainly gave her plenty of reasons to go elsewhere but she stuck around and I decided to keep her. She is pretty awesome and I’m thankful to spend my life with her.

Tell me 10 ways to use a pencil other than writing.
1. A Weapon
2. Lever
3. Catapult
4. Dart
5. A deadfall trap
6. Eating Utensil
7. Post for tying back indoor plants
8. Support brace for a broken finger
9. Add stiff wire to make stick figures
10. To hold the jaws of an attacking beast open

How do you feel about hot pants?
If I wore them I would look like a Perdue Chicken reject.

What kind of qualities do you look for in a client?
1. Decisiveness
2. Good Communication
3. Mutual Respect and Honest Feedback
4. Actual money to pay us.

With your eyes closed, tell me step-by-step how to tie my shoes.
Pull the fuzzy Velcro strap across the harder side. You do wear Velcro right?

Are you hungry?
For food no. For work, yes.

If you were an animal, what would you be and why?
A Raven. They are key to so many stories across cultures and throughout time, yet they aren’t colorful and they aren’t song birds. They work well in groups but are just as often seen alone. They can survive in almost any condition and they aren’t hunted.

Where is my shaker of salt?
You used it up this morning on that Margarita.

If Imulus was a person, what kind of personality would he/she have?
An easy going, friendly, somewhat social 26 year old. Certainly opinionated, passionate and honest. It would look fairly fit but still carry a bit of a belly from all the partying.

Today I found a site named iSerenity that offers ambient backgrounds for your work or home. Instead of offering minimal beats of ambient musicians, iSerenity offers environmental sounds. Not only things like waterfalls mind you, but the obviously relaxing sound of highways, typewriters, and vacuums. You know, things most people find relaxing. Yes, the concept makes me giggle a little.

Some of their selections are not very successful in producing a relaxed environment. The heartbeat makes me want turn into Jack Nicholson in The Shining, and the purring is as about as relaxing as a chainsaw.

Still, some of their efforts work surprisingly well. I found the dryer noise to be oddly focusing. As I listened to it I forgot it was there – yet it still helped me focus on my tasks. Turning off the sound felt strange, too – everything was suddenly different and I was back in the real world.

Give it a try at http://www.iserenity.com/.